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Excuse me while I have another Andy Rooney moment. If you’re going to have a band you need at least three elements to keep me interested: play great music, have a cool name and be an actual band. This all seems obvious to me but apparently a lot of bands out there either don’t agree, don’t care or don’t get it. Let’s take a look at a few I’ve seen lately.
Sugarland. Not a band. This is a duo that used to be a trio. Even as a trio they weren’t a band, they were two acoustic guitar players and a singer. Once one of the guitar players left they should have renamed themselves, Nettles and Bush, the last names of the remaining members. At least that makes as much sense as Brooks & Dunn, Flatt & Scruggs, Donny & Marie and Captain & Tennille. And I don’t get the name Sugarland. That name reminds me of two places: Hawaii and Sugarland, Texas. This “band” is from Georgia. I don’t get it. My guess is they didn’t want to change the name because either they were too cheap to spend ten bucks on a new domain name or maybe they thought the name Bush was synonymous with pussy.
Speaking of pussy, what is up with Lady Antebellum? There is one lady and two dudes. Again, not a band. They are comprised of two singers and a “multi-instrumentalist.” I would not want to be part of a band that sounded like I was a woman. Would I be in a band fronted by a woman? Hell yes! I would be one of Joan Jett’s Blackhearts, I would be one of Emmylou Harris’ Hot Band but I most certainly would not be a Lady Antebellum.
How about Gloriana? Technically they are closer to qualifying as a band but I don’t think they could put on a full-blown show without the help of additional musicians. They are two women and two guys and none of them are named Gloriana. If I was in the room when somebody came up with that, I think I’d have to kill something. Why would you call yourselves that? Oh, I know, because Little Big Town and The Mamas and The Papas were already taken. One “band” I’ll give a pass to is The Highwaymen.
Then there are the bands named after their leader. The Eli Young Band, The Zac Brown Band, The Brandon Rhyder Band. The list goes on and on. Just be a solo artist because that’s what it boils down to anyway. There is no purpose to sticking band after your name other than to make your band feel like they are a part of the process when the fact is, they’re as replaceable as spark plug wires. Another band I’ll give a pass to is The Charlie Daniels Band because they are, and always have been, totally badass.
Forget naming the band after yourself, go ahead and name the band something cool. Something like Jackson Taylor and The Sinners, Larry Dean and The Shooters, Jason Boland and The Stragglers, Miss Leslie and Her Juke-Jointers. Those names sound ballsy and kick ass and you just know you’re going to have the time of your life. Sugarland? Gloriana? Lady Antebellum? Not so much. | 
